I have decided that I am a genius and I mean this in the least obnoxious way possible.
1. exceptional intellectual or creative power or other natural ability.
2. a person who is exceptionally intelligent or creative, either generally or in some particular respect.
We are taught as humans to never think too highly of ourselves. This is sometimes hard to do with the observations we happen to make.
Throughout my life I’ve always had these pangs of reflection when it comes to things I am capable of. I think a lot. I mean a lot! I’m extremely hyper aware of my body, brain and surroundings. When it comes to doing things I’m usually far faster than other people at an accomplished correct finish. I seem to navigate day to day problems or challenges with far more insight than others. I mean this in the least obnoxious way possible too, but I often feel that people stand there scratching their heads like apes at things it takes me a few minutes to figure out.
This is made to be more apparent with those I am involved with on a daily basis.There isn’t one day that goes by where I don’t use “a big word” that someone out in public has to ask me the meaning of. Every exercise I assign someone initiates days, sometimes weeks, of training and they still haven’t figured it out. The same things I learned how to do on my own without training and only a little guidance.
I feel I am more mentally agile than others. I wonder if this is because I didn’t get to fill my life with distractions. There are no kids, no pets, no cable television, no cooking dinner for people or long bouts of house cleaning. (“After the third year, the dust doesn’t get any worse,” says Quentin Crisp.) I have books and books and more books and when I’m tired of the six books I’m currently reading I watch boring people talk about philosophy on YouTube.
This is again not an obnoxious “better than thou” piece, but just going along with a train of thought that hits me every now and then. I don’t think it’s “better than thou” because I kind of wish more people could keep up.
Maybe it all has absolutely nothing to do with genius and more to do with being a risk taker. I don’t learn from learning, I learn from doing. I’m not afraid to just do. I go in, bang my head against the walls to get it done and wait for the rejections or corrections to come back. Then I see how much I knew and how much I had to change. Then I change it and all is right with the world.
It’s like how certain generations of people are afraid of computers. They don’t touch a button because they’re afraid they’ll break it. They don’t go beyond the confines of a certain app or website because they don’t know what’s out there! I’m touching the button. I’m peaking behind curtains. I need to find out if it’s going to break or not.
Things like this lead to the ability to progress quicker than taking so much bloody time to follow the rules.
I don’t know algebra. I can’t do geometry. My grammar probably sucks no matter how much I like to write or how many people can stand to read it. I would never say I’m smart “like that.” Richard Feynman I am not. I just seem to be a lot more … cunning than other people. Perhaps that’s it. Cunning. Daring. Sharp. Fearless in a sense.
I get very annoyed when I give someone my entire day to teach them something. Add a PowerPoint presentation to their files on the topic. Give them PDF guides regarding the matter at hand. Then the next day it’s as if they had nothing. They’re dumbfounded. They’re lost. What’s even worse is they are too afraid to even give it a try. They’re in the dark and I wasted a whole day. When I learned how to do whatever it was all on my own without anyone holding my hand or making a PowerPoint for me or handing me a quick easy guide.
It all comes bubbling up because when I was a kid I used to say I knew everything. My elders would chastise me for saying so. I’d tell them I didn’t mean that I knew everything, just quite a bit! Then you tend to think the same when you’re 18 and 21 and 24 and people still bop you on the nose telling you that you’re not as great as you think you are. Then you’re in your 30’s and I venture to guess your 40’s or 50’s and people probably still bop you on the nose.
Well I don’t think it’s particularly heady or obnoxious to follow such a train of thought in your private little corner of the world. Not when it seems you do have a slight edge above a lot of other people. It’s got to be something when you can put the round peg in the round hole, yet the ape next to you keeps slamming it in the square.