Now What?

I’ve never lived life without thinking about what’s next. We’re programmed that way from the very beginning. Life is all about goals and setting your entire pathway up before it even begins. What do you want to be when you grow up? It’s a question that should never be taken too seriously.

Each morning when starting out on my journey I think about where I am going. Not really about where I’m going that day, but what I do within that day that is going to take me into the future. I’m very goal oriented. I like a good personal challenge. I will be somewhere by sometime and damn it if I’ll fail!

I have learned that without another “What’s next?” I’m not so sure what’s next. That’s a feeling that shows up after big life milestones. When you’ve really achieved something that brings you to a completely different part of your timeline. We could say that is when you buy your dream home or move across the country. It’s easy to assume that what’s next is obvious. You move to your dream place and then you begin living – again. But it is not that easy for those of us racing from milestone to milestone. Much like a good high, the next step always has to be more enjoyable than the last. One cannot arrive at their dream location and simply begin living. Oh no, they must start living fabulously. Then you have to be more fabulous after that step and so forth. It has at times driven me into hysterics.

As I walk around on this planet I find myself monitoring the tourists very closely. They are a great petri dish. These moments are it for them. They break away from the norm and take some silly pictures with their family. They have a good meal. Then they return to the norm. It’s just like Winston and Julia in 1984. They met in those disconnected places to make love and eat real chocolate. Then they fell back in step with a drab gray existence.

The 1984 existence works for most people. They live from one fleeting vacation to the other with all of this dead air in between. They save their pennies and work towards something. I can’t live like that. I don’t think anyone seeking to truly add pure character and depth into their lives would. We should never sacrifice days, weeks, and months in exchange for a snapshot of truth. Ever!

The key word was “truly.” It would appear from my observations that most people would be terrified if they were to break away every day and truly find their meaning. This could be attributed to the fact that acknowledging your true self can in the end make you unable to fall back into step with the norm. Winston and Julia would never be the same again.

If you are up for the challenge and can truly find the mental stability to face self I would tell you to take the time every day.  We should not wake up in the morning and go to bed in the evening not having done one thing that actually mattered to us. Besides breathing.  We should find the power of pause every day. To initiate a wagging finger towards all of the gray concrete bullshit and say, “No, no, I’m going to be taking a moment now.”

This existence can so easily get lost in the swampy concrete. Be brave enough … be mindful enough … to not lose your place within self.

The Artist D, October 2016

The Artist D, October 2016

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