This Fight Won’t Fight Itself

Sometimes they’re all scrambling to the top of the mountain when really what was at the bottom is way more interesting.

I looked up the mountain path to see almost two dozen humans climbing in the same vein upward to the top. Like ants in line going where they think they’re going, or where they sense they’re going. And that’s what I thought and I asked myself why would I want to follow them? Wasn’t I out here in nature to get away from people and literally stop following them?

And then I saw the leader of the ants. He was now leading them down from the mountain literally waving his hand in which way they should go as to safely descend. I realize that along with everything else I’ve realized today and within this life, most people are ants. They want to be led because it’s so much easier than leading.

The universe has repeatedly told me and reminded me of a very important fact. My opinion matters. Not my opinions on politics or religion, per se. But my right to assert myself within what I do and do not want to do, as well as what I think is logically and ethically the right answer for me and the people who wish me to answer for them.

This has been a very difficult realization for someone who so freely accepted the flow of the universe. I really did accept that if I just let myself go the universe would lead. That is true but the catch is that there’s a fine line between going with the flow and not letting yourself get washed off a cliff. We still need to think as people with brains in our heads and feet in our shoes. There’s flowing and then there’s absolute defeat. That’s not saying that sometimes you DO have to just let the rapids carry you, but there is a time and a place where you need to say yes or no, up or down, left or right, this plane or that plane.

Lately I’ve learned from leaders, gurus, and my very own psychic; a question is constantly posed by them to me. They ask me what I did about the trouble or frustration that is facing me. What did I do to head on the challenge and respond to it? And most of the time my honest-to-goodness answer is I was hoping it would just deal with itself. I was hoping that I would flow in the right direction instead of forcing me to look someone or something in the eye, taking a breath and a pause, and answering in a full sentence as to what my response, question, or recommendation is for the situation.

To the point, I never really thought that it was my responsibility to lead myself. It’s not really about other people or becoming some kind of grand master guru leader. It’s about my responsibility to myself. To quote one of my many gurus, Susan Powter, it’s finding your response to your ability, your responsibility.

Much like those ants crawling up and down the hill with their guide pointing the best path I was sure that someone would do it for me. For everything! Yes please tell me what to eat, where to walk, and what to wear. Please! Make this simple. Life is hard enough.

But instead I find that people look to me for that same guidance. And I don’t mean to pat myself on the back but since I exercise some semblance of knowing what I’m doing people automatically assume that I would know the way better than they may. My response is important. That’s something that I have learned, my response is important. I cannot answer in a mumbled voice. I don’t get to “get away with that.” I cannot respond in a half-hearted hyper and or depressed reaction. What I expect of myself is actually what others expect from me. I can’t let myself off the hook. I don’t get a pass. I can have all the support that I want and I need, and I can take all the time to suss out the way, but I don’t just get to wander haphazardly in hopes of being saved.

If you know me, you know that I love to hike and climb mountainous terrain. This is the perfect comparison to what I’ve been thinking about. You shouldn’t always follow the signs pointing to the easiest trail. Those signs don’t always mean it’s the only way. There are plenty of ways up and down a mountain. There are even a lot of ways around the mountain. It’s using your common sense and natural abilities to know when to do what ends up being the key to not only mountain climbing but living your life in the flow.

As I talk about the flow of the universe and letting go but still maintaining some control I ask myself the same question that you probably ask yourself. How do you know when to float with the current or swim against it? I don’t think there’s an answer here. Other than it’s like climbing a mountain. Sometimes you should use the posted trail and other times there’s another trail that is just as fine and won’t do you any damage.

However, most of us have the good sense to know that climbing that unclimbable side is not the right way to go. It’s an intuition. There’s one difference.

The Artist D, December 2018

The Artist D, December 2018

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